A lot has been going through my mind here lately. To start with my husband and I will be moving in a month and a half back to where our heart is, Alabama. This is going to be both a happy and a sad event. I have made so many good friends here is Texas, ones that I know will be friends throughout my lifetime--it truly will be sad to part from them and the fun times that we all share together. That being said, my heart belongs to Alabama. I never thought I would say that because I always dreamed of moving away, but now that I have, I know that I belong where I was. Not being close to family is a hard thing for me. My family isn't just my family, they are my friends also, with them I get the best of both worlds.
We move with no guarantee of a job or place to live. My parents are offering to let us stay with them (you will never know how much this means to me Mom, if you are reading this.) I am thankful that they are as kind as they are in understanding why we want to move back and that it just wasn't working out for us here in TX. It is a hard thing to accept, however, being that my pride wants to get in the way. I have always been on a track of doing well in school and making sure that I do well in a career. After I graduated college, however, it hasn't worked out like that for me. I just can't seem to find where I belong in life. I am so proud of my sissy, she is working hard (and so impressively!) to soon become a teacher. I watch and listen to her as she describes her latest project or lesson plan that she has created and I am touched at her gift at being a teacher. Any kid will be lucky to have her as a teacher. She is going to spur knowledge and learning in her classroom with a passion that not many teachers posses nowadays. She has found her niche. It isn't that I purposely gave up, it is just that I try this and I try that and still haven't found where I belong.
Today was my 25th birthday and for some reason has it has been a hard age for me to turn. I guess because of the things I have mentioned above. In some ways I think I feel as though I am disappointing not only myself, but my family. My life has been a roller coaster for about the past 5 years. So much has happened, both good and bad. I find myself at a point where I wish that I could just be on a slow moving boat ride for a while. I feel like I haven't had time to adjust and haven't really had time to figure out so many things that I should. My desire to become a Mom increases so much day by day. For some reason that is the only thing I know for sure that God wants me to be. The problem is Craig and I need jobs and stability for that and it just doesn't seem to be happening. I guess it is just a lot of whatifs for me right now. To add on top of that because of the stress I have been under I have gained weight that I had worked hard to keep off. In my heart I know that it doesn't matter and shouldn't matter, but try telling that to my head!
Sorry to be dramatic with this post, just had a lot on my mind. On a very happy note, I was truly blessed with a wonderful birthday. My hubby did such a good job at helping me forget that my family wasn't here to help me celebrate. He surprised me with flowers on Friday, a cake, card, and treasure boxes on Saturday, and finished the whole thing up with a future vacation to the beach in June. His thoughtfulness is just one of the many reasons why I love him :). My family all blessed me with wonderful cards and phone calls of happy b'days.
25 for the next year........
We move with no guarantee of a job or place to live. My parents are offering to let us stay with them (you will never know how much this means to me Mom, if you are reading this.) I am thankful that they are as kind as they are in understanding why we want to move back and that it just wasn't working out for us here in TX. It is a hard thing to accept, however, being that my pride wants to get in the way. I have always been on a track of doing well in school and making sure that I do well in a career. After I graduated college, however, it hasn't worked out like that for me. I just can't seem to find where I belong in life. I am so proud of my sissy, she is working hard (and so impressively!) to soon become a teacher. I watch and listen to her as she describes her latest project or lesson plan that she has created and I am touched at her gift at being a teacher. Any kid will be lucky to have her as a teacher. She is going to spur knowledge and learning in her classroom with a passion that not many teachers posses nowadays. She has found her niche. It isn't that I purposely gave up, it is just that I try this and I try that and still haven't found where I belong.
Today was my 25th birthday and for some reason has it has been a hard age for me to turn. I guess because of the things I have mentioned above. In some ways I think I feel as though I am disappointing not only myself, but my family. My life has been a roller coaster for about the past 5 years. So much has happened, both good and bad. I find myself at a point where I wish that I could just be on a slow moving boat ride for a while. I feel like I haven't had time to adjust and haven't really had time to figure out so many things that I should. My desire to become a Mom increases so much day by day. For some reason that is the only thing I know for sure that God wants me to be. The problem is Craig and I need jobs and stability for that and it just doesn't seem to be happening. I guess it is just a lot of whatifs for me right now. To add on top of that because of the stress I have been under I have gained weight that I had worked hard to keep off. In my heart I know that it doesn't matter and shouldn't matter, but try telling that to my head!
Sorry to be dramatic with this post, just had a lot on my mind. On a very happy note, I was truly blessed with a wonderful birthday. My hubby did such a good job at helping me forget that my family wasn't here to help me celebrate. He surprised me with flowers on Friday, a cake, card, and treasure boxes on Saturday, and finished the whole thing up with a future vacation to the beach in June. His thoughtfulness is just one of the many reasons why I love him :). My family all blessed me with wonderful cards and phone calls of happy b'days.
25 for the next year........
2 comments:
Everything will work out as it should. God has a plan and one day you will look back and see how it was all working when you didn't even know it. I love you very much and am very proud you.
Hugs,
Mom
Your video is cool! I couldn't see it at work; it was just a white box. Didn't see it until I went back to check your blog this evening. Did you do that or did Craig?
Love,
Mom
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